No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
