is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
