I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
