i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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