Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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