OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
