Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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