I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
