So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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