I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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