Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
