The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
