I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
