I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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