I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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