my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
