I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
