my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
