hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
