I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How external is "for external use only"?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
