somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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