Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
