i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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