So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize