I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
