If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
