Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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