Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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