This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
