Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
