yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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