Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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