I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
