I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
