How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
