Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
