he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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