hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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