im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
