they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize