i permit you to call me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
