We're facebook friends in real life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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