imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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