i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
