My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
