I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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