It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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