I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she told me i tasted like america
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
