well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
