Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
