the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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