I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
