I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
