where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Soap is not a condiment
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
