Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
