If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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