the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
