i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
