I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
