her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
