R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
