Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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