i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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