ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
