Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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