so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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