his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
