i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
please come you make the beer taste better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
