That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
