Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
