My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
