I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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