how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I forget how to act sober
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
